K.K. Trench is an absolutely regular surface dweller human man and not three kobolds standing atop each other’s shoulders inside a trenchcoat. This journal records his observations of surface rites, rituals and culture – for documentation purposes, absolutely not for later use as an invasion guide.

Occasionally, mysterious relics from across the land will be tested and tasted.

Everything will then be evaluated through the totally-accurate and completely infallible lens of kobold wisdom.

Do not worry if you are new, we understand that surface dwellers often experience “confusion” and that’s fine – feel free to start with our well-documented pilgrimage to the Golden Hall of McDon-Ald or perhaps with our alchemical experiments on the elixir that broke time.

All rituals and findings are, of course, rated on the esteemed and widely-accepted “Rat Tail” scale: 1 to 5, with 5 being the best. Bonus points may be awarded for cheese content and explosion density or even subtracted for breaking reality.

We hope you enjoy your stay and learn from our observations – they are hand-made, custom tailored and have no intelligence more artificial than ours – like a fine trenchcoat, lovingly made and casually sitting out in the open.